I don’t believe it…

On the topic of pregnancy, I thought it might be nice to talk about the symptoms I had before getting the BF positive – just for anyone out there who is in the two-week-wait, the lovely Am I? Aren’t I? limbo and getting a bit itchy (been there!)

I had a few scares before. I imagined every symptom under the sun some months, convincing myself that I was knocked up while secretly trawling parenting sites and baby.coms to see what everyone else on there had experienced, just to find out what exactly you do feel when you’re up the duff.

Turns out, I’m no different to anyone else when it came to spotting the signs, so I’ll make a wee list below of my personal journey over the last few swelly-belly weeks:

  • Sore Nips: Yep, my nipples were so fucking sensitive & sore about two weeks before my period was due I found it hard to put a seat belt on, I couldn’t tolerate certain clothes rubbing my chest (bearing in mind I don’t wear bras), and in general, they just felt a bit…hot. Mmmm!
  • Coffee Aversion: A day or two after sore-nipplegate I suddenly couldn’t stomach my morning coffee. Granted I have been drinking coffee for most of my life and it’s usually the first thing that enters my empty tum first thing – Jesus I needed it to just get my heart started most days! – so this was definitely not normal for me. I still haven’t been able to drink any (which is good I suppose) but my goodness, chat about a 360 overnight! Plus the lack of caffeine resulted in me having to suffer a week of withdrawal at work which was NOT pleasant. Busting sore head and insane crabbitness anyone?! I’m still not sure how I got through that week without pulling a sicky.
  • Boob pain: Lying on one’s back and a shooting pain randomly goes through each boob like a knife? Definitely not one that could be missed.
  • Losing the Rag: Same as PMT, everyone and everything was getting on my wick and I felt myself losing my temper over the smallest of things for no reason. Walk faster ffs! Why are you walking so fast!?  Why is that sitting there?! Why is the fork in the spoon section of the drawer?! Ahhhhh I’m gona batter someone!!!! That kind of thing, maybe amplified a bit.
  • Period Pains: Now this one did throw me. I’d endured two weeks’ worth of all of the above and definitely had a good inkling that I may be sprouting a poppy seed so when I started to get cramps about the time flo was due, I felt my heart sink. Ah fuck, my period must be coming… imagining things again!! The cramps lasted a few days but unlike my period pain which usually is the most death-inducing, severe, stabbing, killing, ripping pain that nearly puts me into a coma each month, the cramps started to ebb away. Hmmm! Now this IS weird! I told my GP about the cramps when getting my pregnancy confirmed and they assured me that unless there is spotting or the pain returns and is bad – it’s nothing to worry about. Phew!
  • BFP: My period ranges anywhere between 30 to 35 days each month so to say it was ‘late’ wouldn’t have been accurate. I kinda guess when I think it’s due and it usually shows thereabouts. I took the test for the hell of it on the earliest day it should have showed up and nearly fell off the toilet when the test showed positive almost immediately. I don’t believe it… I started to shake, ran to my partner like wait ’til you see this! ran back to the bathroom to check it again and basically ran about like a headless chicken for the rest of the day.

And the rest is history!

I don’t want to forget any of it, it’s fresh in my mind now but come six months – six years even! – with my awful memory I’ll probably forget and be raging I never kept a note!

So it’s kind of nice thinking about it now, and sharing. In those days I felt in a state of awe and wonder and disbelief for a few weeks before it finally sunk in that I was pregnant and hopefully going to be a mother. I was super worried about miscarriage in those delicate first few weeks as I stupidly read about the statistics and how common it is to lose your baby before the twelve week mark. I still think about it everyday but pray and hope that all will continue as is.

M x


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