To find out or Not to find out… that is the question!

I’ve got two weeks to wait until my next pregnancy scan… and I’m DYING to find out the baby’s sex.

That was, until my partner let slip that he really doesn’t want to find out.

Oh.

We were at my cousin’s house for a curry night, and the topic of finding out the gender came up in conversation, because practically ALL my friends who’ve had kids waited until the birth and said the surprise was the best part.

Now, me and my partner had of course talked about it when we first found out, but I think the conversation went something like this…

ME: I’m so excited to find out if it’s a wee boy or girl!

HIM: Aye. Be nice to wait though ’til the end. Be a nice surprise.

ME: Naw! We’re not doing that! We’ll have to know as soon as we can! We have to pick names and make plans and figure out what we need, etc etc…

And I’d say I blethered on for about half an hour completely ignoring his opinion.

Whoops!

Since then I took it for granted that we were finding out and that was that. Never again was it brought up.

Until the dinner party. I overheard him say to someone that he would rather wait but that I really want to know so he doesn’t mind. Chat about making me look like a big control freak! Which I probably am.

I felt terrible. Like I was taking away something that is quite sacred and forcing him into something he’ll never experience for the first time again.

I asked him about it when we got home and why he didn’t say anything. He replied by saying that my desire to know is stronger than his desire NOT to know. So he doesn’t mind. And again, we kind of left it at that.

I’m still dying to know. But I’m starting to think that maybe I should stop parading around like this is all MY baby and MY decisions. I ashamedly admit that sometimes I forget it’s 50% his too! At the end of the day… he doesn’t get to experience the kicks that are progressively getting stronger as times goes on; he never got to see my belly jump when I lay back to read a book and the baby decided my movement deserved a good stomach punch! So he misses out on quite a bit as it is. I’m not a solitary Arctic hare left to fend for myself in this wilderness called pregnancy and ‘babyhood’ – he’ll be partaking too. I need to be more conscious of his needs during this time and that unfortunately  it’s not all about meeeee. I’ll need to keep reminding myself of the fact!

So maybe I’ll wait…

How hard can it be?

EEEkkk! *tries hard to control the control freak* Phew! This could be tough!

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